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Few people are aware of Saddam Hussein's passion for journaling. He maintains at least 5 different blogs. On his Xanga site, he
reveals "I like to crochet in my spare time".
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This well-connected publication has scooped virtually all the major media outlets. Read the headlines no one else dares to print.
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03/30/03 Hell Opens New Wing to House Iraqi Leaders
"We've been big admirers of the Iraqi leadership all along, but now they've really outdone themselves," said an unnamed spokesman, referring to the regime's use of civilians as military shields, and suicide bombers to take advantage of the "weakness of mercy" displayed by U.S. and British troops.
"When Saddam and his boys get here," said the spokesman, "I think they'll find familiar surroundings. It will be a lot like Iraq under their regime, only more intense...and of course, everlasting."
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Not only our commander-in-chief, Bush has exhibited extraordinary valor on the battlefield.
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Just yesterday, George stormed an Iraqi machine-gun nest when our sergeant took one in the belly," Pvt. Scott "Lumpy" Fellers, 20, told reporters. "We were pinned down, cut off from our division, and it looked like curtains for us all. Thankfully, George was there. He ran through heavy artillery fire and lobbed a grenade right into their bunker. If it hadn't been for him, God knows how many of us would've been coming home in body bags.
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All across America, public demonstrations of French boycotts are taking place.
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Not everyone was as enthusiastic about the boycott, however. Several art museums around on the East Coast have removed more than one hundred Renaissance paintings from their displays after one patron spewed Pepsi across what he called "that damn French crap."
Porn industry leaders were beside themselves with grief at the sudden turn of events. "Half of what we do we owe to the French," said actor Long Schlong Silver. "Until this crisis blows over, no pun intended, it'll be pure missionary position for everyone."
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How does a soldier spell relief? This photo of a soldier in Iraq demontrates the U.S. military version of biological warfare.
It is, ah-hem, rated PG13.
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GERALDO GIVES PRECISE LOCATION OF PETER ARNETT |
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“To the 101st, let me say this: my bad,” Mr. Rivera said in a televised segment on Fox News, before unveiling satellite photos showing Peter Arnett’s most recent movements.
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Never one to miss a ratings boost, Al Jazeera has produced the Iraqi version of American Idol.
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Simon Al-Mohammed’s music career is now infamous having, over the past 20 years, shaped what we consider to be modern Iraqi pop music today. In the last 10 years, Simon, a executive for several of Iraq's record labels, has been making and breaking records, as well as executing thousands of innocent wannabe pop stars whom he considers inferior. Al-Mohammed has achieved sales of over ten thousand records alone in Iraq and an astonishing eighteen thousand televised executions. |
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The military continues to roll out surprises in high-tech weaponry.
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At the U.S. Central Command briefing in Qatar, U.S. Air Force Maj. Gen. Victor Renuart said that coalition forces have been able to "scoot on the Iraqi troops" despite the oposition he described as "ugly."
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Newly discovered seceret web side where renegade countries are purchasing high tech weapons.
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"Embezzle money while you oppress with these handy hints."
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Reports several up-to-the minute front-line and human interest articles. |
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Calling the move "despicable" and "cowardly," Iraqi officials are once again seeking help from the United Nations after it was discovered that Coalition Forces were unfairly dispensing handfuls of candy Skittles to eager children throughout the Iraqi countryside.
"This transparent effort by the 'Great Satan' to make the sons and daughters of Iraq too overweight and hyperglycemic to fight will never work,"...
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